Protection
by Khamonai
Summary: AU - After becoming a Shinigami, Ichigo needs reassurance that his loved one’s are safe and watches over the twins, while reminiscing and considering his existence as a Shinigami so far.


_Disclaimer:_ I don't own any of the caracters or the world of Bleach and X-Men (...not that this would hinder my rampaging muses and the plotbunnies...) I DO however own the bunnies behind the idea for this story and the Hellflare Verse*smiles*

_Authors notes:_ Protection is part of the Hellflare verse (takes place roughly 50 years after the events of An Assassin's Divorce and shortly after Ichigo became a Shinigami - please take note that I'm following the events of the Manga and NOT the Anime!). However, Protection can also be read without any knowledge of An Assassin's Divorce, as it concentrates on Ichigo. Happy belated birthday Daughter of Darkness! And once again I need to thank you for betaing *smiles* Also thanks to Mahtowin, who put up patiently with my endless requests to listen to my rants about my endless stream of Hellflare!bunnies and

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**Protection**

He should be sleeping. He really should be, but… he just couldn't. Sleep danced around him, mocking him, but eluding him carefully. Instead he found himself entering the room next to his own, taking care to not wake its occupants. For a while he just stood still in the middle of the room. Silently watching over the sleeping twins.

Two days ago – had it really been only so short a time? – he had met a Shinigami – Kuchiki Rukia. Two days ago he had learned that the spirits he had seen so far were not the only ones that existed – that there also existed "hollows" and Shinigami. He had never seen neither before and thus never had had any reason to believe in them.

Why had he never seen them? Were his abilities getting stronger? Damn… that was about the last thing he needed. But if not… then… why?

Today he had agreed to become a substitute for Rukia-san, because her abilities apparently still resided in his soul… It had been a somewhat unsettling revelation. The other thing was… it was a given that she couldn't have told him everything – and he hadn't expected her to (not that it would have been possible in so little time he suspected), but… She had barely told him the essentials. As if she expected him to know already and was annoyed when he didn't. It pissed him off.

He had agreed to help her, hadn't he? Then why couldn't she just tell him what he needed to know before and not in the middle of a fight? It was a little too late then – even if he managed. Even now… Rukia-san had vanished after school, without making any move in the explaining part. Or was he supposed to work on a need to know basis until her powers returned? Or would she get around to tell him what he needed sometime soon?

There was a tiny niggling feeling in the back of his mind, telling him that he was probably going to lose time at school – as evident from today's events – and most probably also sleep.

He continued to observe Karin's and Yuzu's sleep, undisturbed by nightmares. They didn't even remember what really happened two nights ago. Ichigo was grateful for that.

Somehow… when he had become a Shinigami it had felt so very right and yet…

He hadn't told anyone – who would he tell after all? – not even Rukia-san, about this particular little fact – and he wasn't sure if he would ever do so – but… This first time – when he had become a Shinigami to save the lives of his family – he barely remembered what had happened afterwards and what he had done to win against the hollow. The only memories he could recall were fragments and they were fuzzy…

He barely held back a growl at his inability to remember what had happened, but stubbornly continued to try to summon up the few memory shards he had. It had felt as if his body had a will of its own or as if someone else had taken over and fought – letting him watch a bit… It had been strange. Not to mention that it had been rather unsettling.

Ichigo knew that he could hold his own in a fight, knew that he was a good fighter, but with a sword? It shouldn't have been, but… still it had seemed to come so easily to him back then. And today too. Nevertheless… not having control over himself – as if he'd become some kind of berserker that went wild with rage, destroying everything within its reach…

Ichigo stilled. The comparison he'd unconsciously chosen suddenly wasn't looking as farfetched as before. Actually… it seemed to hit his problem dead on. The only difference was that he hadn't destroyed everything within his reach. Instead, his rampage had been concentrated and limited to the hollow.

Destroying it and the threat it presented had been his only concern. It hadn't mattered what it took… what price he would have to pay… Nothing had mattered other than taking it down. Definitely unsettling. Ichigo knew that sometimes he went kind of overboard when fighting, but it had never been as bad as it had been with the hollow. He had never before lost control over himself like that…

Not long afterwards his body had shut down… Ichigo grimaced at this particular memory. He didn't know how his soul had rejoined his body, but guessed that it had been Rukia-sans doing.

Today had been similar, but he'd had far more control over himself. …Maybe… this was normal for Shinigamis? But being affected like that? Probably not so much. That was most likely his personal brand of luck. At least he remembered today's fight in all details. Still… he'd rather not ask what it was that made him go whack when coming near a hollow.

Becoming a Shinigami had been the only way to protect his family. He hadn't been able to see them all hurt and still worrying over him, when he was the only one still unharmed. It had distressed him. And he had worried so much. Seeing them… his mind had automatically feared for the worst – he had been enraged. And then there was the guilt. They had been harmed because of his ability. Because of him.

Ichigo had chosen at that moment. Not even the unknown would stop him – he wanted to protect his family. Thankfully it had worked out. Today he had chosen again. Now he would also protect other spirits. A tiny smile flitted across his face. To protect them he would become stronger.

More memories – much older though – sneaked into his line of thought and demanded attention.

When he had been four, a while before his sisters had been born, his father had told him that his name meant "he who protects". His father's words had left a deep impression on his mind. At that moment he had decided that no matter what he would protect his family. It had started with him trying to protect his mother from everything that could possibly harm her – even something as small and insignificant as rain. He had had to start somewhere, didn't he?

In a corner of his mind he had always known that his father could protect himself – something that had proved to be true over the years in their mock battles… Attacks that were always launched by the older man. Fights that had taught him actually a lot. Sometimes he wondered about the intentions behind them… And also just when and why his father had learned how to fight. The man was a doctor after all! Mostly these thoughts just resulted in a headache and he gave up trying to find the underlying reason.

So… While his father could take care of himself… Little Ichigo had refused to even chance a possible loss of his mother – the one person his family revolved around, like a sun – so she was the one he wanted to protect the most. And thus he ended up learning karate in the dojo, meeting Tatsuki-chan for the first time.

Seeing Karin and Yuzu for the first time…His sisters had been so tiny! He had promptly turned around and asked his parents if they would break if he held them? His mom had crouched down in front of him and assured him that, while he needed to be very carefully they would not 'break'.

He had been so very very proud when his parents had allowed him to hold the twins. …He had promptly carried them through the whole house, proudly showing them to an elderly patient, who had had to stay at the clinic for a while at that time. The old man had smiled at the picture they must have presented, and listened to him when he started worrying and offered advice when Yuzu had started crying softly. It had helped and soon Yuzu had been sleeping again. Karin always had been more active – she had always tried to look at everything at once.

And then there was this one moment, captured forever on a photo, when all three of them had fallen asleep, cuddled together and wrapped tightly into warm blankets after a couple of hours playing in the snow. The twins had been two years old at that time. The other photo had been taken while they had tried to build a snowman… Karin and Yuzu dragging small piles of snow from all over to Ichigo and demanding that he build it, because they couldn't reach up high enough to make it large enough to meet their demands and they wanted a "huuuuge snowman".

He smiled at the memories.

When Ichigo had been young, he had sworn to protect his mother. As he had grown older and stronger, the people he had wanted to protect became more numerous. First his family, then his friends… Now, when he had become a Shinigami, he could also protect spirits. The part of him that wanted – no, needed – to protect others was such an integral part of him, that he doubted he would ever loose it. And for now it was enough. He had found his sense of peace again and an answer to his questions that would do for now.

Still smiling Ichigo turned around and went back to his own room, taking care to not wake anyone, knowing that now he would be able to sleep. Knowing that his sisters and his father were safe.

"Mom? Can you hear me? I'm going to become stronger. And I'll protect them. No matter what." A fierce, but only very softly whispered repeat of his original promise to his mother, given first at the tender age of four. He wouldn't let anyone harm the ones he cared for – not as long as he could do anything to stop them.

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_Liked it? Hated it? Found any mistakes, strangeness (beyond the AUness and overal artistic freedom that I used) or other stuff that's not making sense to you (while being perfectly reasonable to me)? Let me know what you thought of it and please take time to review ^^  
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*points at the shiny green review button* Come on - you know you just want to press it! *waves happily and runs for cover as the bunnies start to team up*


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